


we make godesses out of skeletons and ask ourselves why we aren't skinny enough

by Whoops_heck



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Anorexia, Bulimia, Eating Disorders, M/M, Poetry, Self-Hatred, Social Commentary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-11-15 04:28:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11223327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whoops_heck/pseuds/Whoops_heck
Summary: Kozume Kenma just wanted to be beautiful, was thag so much to ask'We ask them how not to cry and they say turn your tears into perfume and smash the bottle. Let your emotions evaporate until there's nothing left but a shriveled dream of being beautiful that will never come trueBecause you're not skinny enough'





	we make godesses out of skeletons and ask ourselves why we aren't skinny enough

**Author's Note:**

> I was supposed to be updating my other things but instead I wrotw this because I read a quote that inspired me and this is an angst fest so my bad

We turn skeletons into godesses and ask them for advice on how not to want. How not to cry. How not to frown. How not to eat.

We ask them for advice but their vocal cords have been clipped. Their truths have been stolen away by the bitter cold of hunger. Their lives smothered in dark hues of yellow and green that swirl down a toilet drain. Their bodies perfect. Their stomachs empty.

We ask them how not to want, and they answer with a smile dyed a pure white with lies.

I'm not hungry

I already ate

I'm so full I couldn't eat another bite

Although that one wasn't exactly a lie. Because they couldn't eat another bite, if they did their minds and bodies would consume themeselves and makr them fst. The skeletons would no longer be skeletons. The godesses dethroned. And the image of beauty destroyed.

We make godesses out of skeletons and skeletons out of people.

We don't ask them what's wrong, we ask them what's their secret.

Their secret is learning not to want. Reciting over and over again that tommorow I will be beautiful. Tommorow I can stop. Tommorow I will become a godess not just a halloween costume. Not just a facde. I will shed my normality like bones and fly into the heavens. I will be weightless. I will be skinnny.

I will be beautiful.

We turn skeletons into godesses and we bury our young alongside them. In tombs decorated in gold and platinum. Lowering them slowly so as to not shake the bones we put our children six feet under the ground.

We ask them how not to cry and they choke out a "do it in private"

It's unprofessional to show emotions. Emptiness is much more sustainable. Much more respectable. Much more beautiful.

Paint on a smile, drain your tear ducts, and pretend that everything is ok. Pretend that the lions clawing at your stomach aren't there. Pretend that nothing in this world can make you fatter than greed or another slice of cake. One was too many. You whould probably get rid of it.

It's digested by now. That's an hour more on the tredmil tommorow. 

We ask them how not to cry and they say turn your tears into perfume and smash the bottle. Let your emotions evaporate until there's nothing left but a shriveled dream of being beautiful that will never come true.

Because your not skinny enough.

We ask them how not to frown and the skeletons laugh in delight because everyone knows frowning gives you wrinkles and wrinkles make people think something is wrong. 

Never let people see inside your head. 

Don't frown and don't look down. Godesses keep their backs straight and their problems hidden. Should anyone ever unleash the tidal wave of internalized depression then that person would likely find themeselves frowning quite a bit. 

Skinny girls don't have problems in their lives. Nothing worth frowning over. Nothing at all.

It's not a problem.

We ask them how not to eat.

And they smile ever so slightly and say,

That's the easy part

We turn skeletons into godesses and no one bats an eye until you pass out in the hallway.

We make godesses out of skeletons, and a skeleton out of me.

So I suppose this is an apology to the me I used ro be. An apology for not being enough. Never being enough and somehow being too little at the same time.

I'm sorry for not eating.

I'm sorry for getting sick.

I'm sorry for passing out.

I'm sorry Kuroo left,

And I'm sorry I pushed him away.

I'm sorry for never being enough

I'm sorry for not being beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry Kenma and i'm sorry shitty world, like wgat the heck guys, get your shit togethor about beauty standards
> 
> Anywhi, hope you enjoyed, comment or kudo


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